This week my son’s barber, Joe, asked why there hasn’t been any new dating blogs for ages, of which I replied, 

“I’ve lost my mojo. It was getting too personal”

I’ve pondered on this for a few days and here I find myself ready to share all…

Why now? For the first time since being single, I’m not chasing a relationship. I’m enjoying my life and want to continue ticking adventures off my bucket list. My prioritises have simply changed.

The reality of online dating

For those of you who are currently online dating, you will, I’m sure, have sympathy for the utter monstrosity that is dating.

As my naive married self, 3.5 years ago, I always thought that dating would be a joyful and uplifting process. I mean who wouldn’t want the opportunity to meet an educated, handsome man with similar interests and fascinating life stories to tell? 

Before commencing on my dating journey, I’d day dream that I’d get whisked away on a romantic weekend like Bridget Jones or have 50 of the most perfect first dates like Drew Barrymore, perhaps even have an orgasm as iconic as the scene from when Harry met Sally.

Sadly, this year there are no good, bad and ugly dating stories, it’s all just damn right diabolical. 

For those of you that have read my other blogs, you’ll be aware that I had breast augmentation surgery in October. It was an interesting 6 weeks of sleeping upright, no exercise and excessive blog writing to keep my mind occupied. 

On the day that my Surgeon signed me off, I was super excited to meet up with an old flame. On greeting him with a kiss on the cheek, I was instantly drawn in by his alluring masculine scent and his Thor body, (yes, God like) that was outlined through his perfectly crisp white shirt. As we sat chatting in the coffee shop, knowing it’d been months since I’d had sex, all I could really think about was how much I wanted to rip his clothes off. 

funny dating stories. i've lost my mojo

The Situationship

(For the non-daters, a Situationship is a relationship that has not been formally agreed. Usually, this happens between two people that have agreed upon casual dating. One finds themselves in a situationship when they have feelings for the other).

Thor and I messaged each other often, flirted and shared difficult life circumstances. I found myself in a very awkward ‘situationship’ 2 years after we first met and finally decided that I needed to voice my feelings for him. The result? I was outright rejected.

Most people at this point would admit defeat, but me, being me (never one to give up), I continued to embark down a slippery slope. I was sure that I’d eventually change his mind when he’d see how much we had in common. Instead, I was left heartbroken and I felt very stupid indeed. 

Of course, I realise that life is not a movie scene, and this time I didn’t get my happy ending, but on the positive, I do believe I qualify to write my very own modern day version of ‘How to lose a guy in 10 days’. LOL

So, what did I do? With a bit of therapy to pick myself back up, I headed back to online dating and here’s how that’s worked out the last few months…

Video call with dating match 1; The first call since Thor 

After the introductory niceties, I pushed for my match, Mr Lockdown (L) to tell me what makes him tick. Then, I pushed more, and more. Here’s the extent of our conversation.. 

Me – What do you enjoy on the weekends?

Mr L – I like to be outdoors

Me – Ok. What is it you like to do outdoors, are you into camping or cycling? 

Mr L – No, I just like to go for a walk 

Me – Where do you find yourself walking – are you into hiking and would you do one of the 3 peaks?

Mr L – No, I just like to walk around the park. 😂

Me – Do you see friends? 

Mr L – No, I don’t like to go to the pub. I just sit in and watch a box set

Me – So what else do you do on the weekends?

Mr L – I play football and then I come home

Me – What do you do with your kids?

Mr L- Stay at home. We sometimes play board games but they’re mainly in their room.

Seriously?! Perhaps the lockdown just stuck!

Bad date with Mr Sales (Mr S); The first date since Thor 

I had a few drinks with Mr S and yes, I thought he was a bit too Smooth with his sales chat, but there was a bit of banter, flirting and the conversation was easy. I decided to break dating rule no. 1 and agreed to go for dinner. Literally, as soon as we’d ordered, the conversation gave me the ick.

Mr S – What is it you like a man to do for you ‘job wise’

Me – I’m not sure, i’m very independent

Mr S – Well, I think it’s really important that a man should be strong for his woman so he can protect her. I also think that he should do all the manly jobs in the house. (At this point he showed off his guns)

Me – Like what?

Mr S – Well, it’s a man’s role to put up a shelf or mow the lawn, so I would expect to do those jobs

Me – (Crossing arms) Well, what if I enjoyed doing those jobs?

Mr S – I would insist on doing them. It’s only right that a man does the manly jobs

Me – I’ve never in my life been told I can’t do something 

Mr S – I’ve noticed your body language has changed

Me – Well yes, I think it’s rubbish in this day and age that women can’t do what they want

Mr S – Let’s move on shall we…

Hmmm, I’ll let you decide what you think of Mr S. 

There are further dating stories to come, but clearly there is a lot to catch up on, and it’s probably best I drip feed the rest to you otherwise, I’ll never sleep!

Further bad date reading

If you’ve not already read my previous bad date stories, you may have a chuckle or two over:

Bad Date: Hand job guy

Bad Date: Mr Love Addict

Bad date stories no. 1-2

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