Bad date no.3
First date, Mr LA (Love Addict and not a hot guy from Los Angeles) took the initiative to suggest a pub by a river. On arrival, I received a request to meet at my car. This didn’t sit comfortably considering the car park was pitch black, but within moments there was a knock at my window and I jumped so much I hit my head. I should have known at this point it was going to end up in my bad date’s directory!
I felt like the victim in a freakin’ horror movie, as I stepped out of the car to be greeted by the shadow of a man. Mr LA, who tried to kiss me on the lips, instead got hair whiplashed and would have to taste my hairspray all night. That’ll teach him to go in for a kiss on first date introductions. 😂
Ok, so not a great start. I’m also not a fan of my date’s dress sense (a tight polo neck and ill fitting jeans) but, we enjoy each other’s company until a DJ sets up next to our table and we can no longer hear each other.
We moved to the only table left by an open door (covid rules) and managed another 15 minutes until we could no longer feel our frost-bitten fingers so decided to call it a night.
I fought with my brolly and the evening ended with another very awkward kiss of hair.
A week later, I put the bad date to the back of my mind and give the guy the benefit of the doubt, agreeing to an unusual cinema date. Mr LA puts his strong arm around me and all feels great. I don’t know whether it was James Bond’s ability to please a lady, or the fact that the most excitement I’d had recently was muddy walking dates, but either way, I invited Mr LA back to my place.
It’s not my style to write about my sexual experiences as I’m a strong believer of what happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom, but I’m going to have to break my rules here a little, as this bit is crucial to the story. (Sorry if you’re reading this Mum!)
Everything was going swimmingly until the sweat from his rather long covid locks dripped into my eye. I quickly pulled his body towards me so he couldn’t see me frantically blinking to try and get it out. Sadly, my body was now soaked too, and I was completely and utterly grossed out.
Have you ever been in that sexual moment that you just want the ground to swallow you up?
I kid you not, it was at this point he decided to say,
“I guess this means we’re girlfriend and boyfriend now”
Me, “What makes you say that”
Mr LA “Well we’re having sex”
Me, “Let’s talk about that later”
It was finally over and luckily very late so that was my cue to call it a night. On leaving, Mr LA pulled out a note from his wallet and said,
“These are the answers from our first dating quiz, and I wanted you to have it”
Oh my days, what had I got myself into?!
I have to put my hands up here and say that I sank as low as chicken poop…I waited a few days and sent a message that said something along the lines of,
“I’m a single mum and I just don’t have the capacity to fit dating in. You live so far away too and that makes it really difficult, so I’m afraid this isn’t going to work”
Numerous messages of panic were received so I agreed to a phone call that evening as felt I owed him an explanation. It was at this point he declared,
“I love you and I’ll do anything to make this work. I can move my job closer to you and relocate. I wasn’t a gentleman and took advantage of you of which I’m deeply sorry.”
Wowsers, an hour and a half later, having let him down as softly as possible as he worked through all the possible life changing options available to ensure we could continue dating, I poured a HUGE glass of Rose, which was not drank like a lady. This was swiftly followed by another as I sat and tried to understand how this escalated so far out of control, just 2 dates in.
A few months later, I received an unsigned Valentine’s Day card with a dedicated poem of love. I received several other messages and in the end, I had to block him, which I really hate doing. (Maybe because I’ve been ghosted and un-matched so many times, just when you think you’ve got a good level of conversation going with someone. I never wanted to be that person!)
My mind can certainly get carried away after a first date (no not wedding bells)… More:
- “I wonder if he can cook?”
- “Where’s our second date going to be?”
- “Am I even going to hear from him?”
- “How long should I leave it before texting?”
- “Shouldn’t I be waiting for him to text first?”
- “Is he good in bed?”
As much as my imagination runs wild, it does amaze me how different our dating desires are these days. Unlike our grandparent’s generation (the days of falling in love, getting married and having kids – Simple!), today after matching, we have a quick assessment to make from the first few crucial messages:
- Do they just want a one-night stand?
- Do they want something very casual?
- Would they actually like to take me out on a date and hold a conversation with me in the hope that this could lead somewhere?
- Are they looking for a candidate for a threesome (yes there are profiles that say, ‘we’re in a relationship and are looking for someone to join us for sexy time’)
- Do they want to get married and have babies?
More often than not I just bloody ask as it’s not always obvious, other than the guys who’s first message reads,
“Baby, I’m getting hard over your profile”
Those guys get an instant un-match. Did your mother not teach you any manners?
Anyway, wherever you are with your dating goals, I wish you the best of luck, you’re going to need it!
Thanks for reading.
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