In the world of Netflix, Deliveroo, and one-click Amazon orders, we have certainly mastered the art of speed. So, it’s only natural that we’ve gotten pretty swift at the dating game too.
Whether it’s swiping right (or mostly left), texting sweet-nothings, or the classic disappearing act (yes, ghosting), the modern dating world is a whirlwind. Having been single for 3 years I feel that I am more than qualified to write my very own modern day version of,
“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: The Online Dating Edition.”
I’m sure some of my fellow single readers will be able to relate…Here goes…
Day 1: Swipe Right and Conquer
Find an online dating match. Someone with a bio that reads, “not here for games, I have a serious job, a house and a car.” That’s your one! Give him a right swipe and prepare for the adventure.
Day 2: The Emoji Assault
Initiate the conversation with a simple “Hey 👋😊” followed by an incomprehensible array of emojis. I’m not talking aubergines, the idea is not to excite here, go for something random like an Alien or a clown.
Day 3: Tell them you’re not in the market for something casual
Tell him you want something meaningful – an ally for the zombie apocalypse, or that you want to finally find your Romeo.
Day 4: Text, Text, and Text Some More
Send him a message every hour, on the hour. The more random, the better! Ask his thoughts on pineapple on pizza (the most freaking used quote on Hinge I’d like to add!), or what their favourite type of chocolate bar is. Enjoy being cringey, I mean, why not ask the meaning of life, or why cats hate cucumbers. Make him want to change the sound of his message ‘ding’.
Day 5: Dive Deep into the Rabbit Hole
Discuss your shared future, the cottage in the country, what colour your curtains will be in your lounge, what plants you’ll grow and what you’d name your dog.
Day 6: Ghosting Premonition
After the constant texting, vanish for a day. Give him a taste of the ethereal presence you’re about to become.
Day 7: Cancel date night, last minute
Plan a date night. Set a time, confirm it, then cancel 30 minutes before, telling him your washing machine has eaten your dress and you can’t possibly find something else to wear.
Day 8: Social Media Stalker
Find him on all social media platforms and give him a little follow. Then comment on a picture from 2009 saying, “Wow, puberty did you good, huh.”
Day 9: A Haunting Return
Resurface from your ghosting episode as if nothing happened. Text him, “Hey, was stuck in a yoga pose for 24 hours, what did I miss?”
Day 10: The ‘It’s Not You, It’s Me’ Climax
Now, it’s time for the grand finale. Send him a lengthy, rambling message about how you’re not ready for a relationship and need to focus on being the perfect owner to your pet rabbit.
And voila! Ten days later, you’re as free as a bird. Congratulations, you’ve lost a guy in 10 days – modern dating edition. Use this power wisely, LOL.
While my “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days – Modern Edition” guide is loaded with sarcasm and should be taken with a pinch of salt, honesty about your dating intentions should be made clear from day one. There’s someone for everyone in the vast ocean of singlehood. Don’t settle for anything less than ‘The One!’
If like me, you’ve had nothing but dating disasters and you could do with a giggle, check out my bad date stories….
If you’d like to share your own dating experiences for the chance to be featured on my blog, then please do get in touch!!