A Little More Connection, A Lot Less Loneliness

How my own experience of loneliness inspired Be Dating Beautiful, and why I’m asking our community to help make a difference.

I want to talk about something that I think most of us have experienced at some point, but don’t always talk about openly: loneliness. Not necessarily the kind where you’re physically on your own, but the feeling that something is missing. The quiet weekends, the plans you don’t have, the feeling that everyone else seems to have someone to do things with.

Six years ago, after getting divorced, I found myself navigating a completely different life from the one I’d imagined. There were birthdays spent alone, Christmases that felt particularly quiet, and plenty of moments when I wondered what the next chapter was supposed to look like.

I spent a long time trying to work out what I wanted my life to look like again. Like many people, I initially thought finding someone new might be the answer. But along the way, I started to realise something…. I didn’t miss having a partner. I missed connection. Someone to chat to, people to laugh with and have that feeling of belonging.

Divorced, Learning to enjoy life again

I started making a conscious effort to stop waiting for someone else to come along before I did the things I wanted to do. I went to events on my own, tried new activities, booked solo trips and discovered that doing things independently could be incredibly rewarding.

There were definitely moments of apprehension. Walking into a room where you don’t know anyone isn’t easy. Booking a holiday on your own can feel daunting. But each time I did something outside my comfort zone, my confidence grew a little. I actually wrote about my journey in this blog, From Silence to Self-Love: My Journey Through Loneliness.

I also started exploring the world of solo travel, something I never imagined I’d enjoy as much as I do. If you’ve ever considered going away on your own but worried about taking that first step, I’ve shared some of my experiences in my guide to solo holidays. What I learnt was that life doesn’t have to be put on hold while you’re waiting for someone to share it with.

You can build a life full of experiences, friendships, laughter and new adventures. And sometimes, when you start saying yes to those opportunities, you meet some wonderful people along the way. It was this change in mindset that eventually inspired me to create Be Dating Beautiful.

From feeling alone to bringing people together

I started Be Dating Beautiful because I wanted to create something different. I’d spent years on dating apps, experiencing the ghosting, the endless conversations that went nowhere and the frustration of trying to build a genuine connection through a screen.

I wanted to get people out from behind their phones and into real-life experiences. Not just another dating event, but a community where people could turn up, try something new, meet others and hopefully make friendships along the way. And, of course, perhaps find that spark too!

Since starting BDB, I’ve seen just how much people need this….In the past year alone, I’ve welcomed around 700 singles to our events. And while people might initially book because they’re looking to meet someone romantically, I’ve heard so many stories about how much they value the friendships and social connections they’ve found.

One of my favourite examples is a couple of people who came along to some of my very first events. I remember them being quite shy and nervous when they first walked through the door. Fast forward to today and they’re like completely different people in terms of their confidence. They’ve built a lovely friendship group and now regularly organise their own pickleball meetups.

That’s what makes me smile. It’s not necessarily about whether someone meets a partner at one of our events. It’s about what happens afterwards. The friendships that develop, the WhatsApp groups, the coffee dates, the activities people organise themselves and the confidence that grows when you realise you have a community around you.

Sometimes one evening out can be the beginning of something much bigger. And that’s something I never want BDB to lose sight of.

Loneliness doesn’t stop at dating

The more I’ve built this community, the more I’ve realised that connection is something we all need, regardless of our age or relationship status. And there’s one group in particular that I think we need to do more for: older people.

According to Age UK research, 270,000 older people in England go a whole week without speaking to a friend or family member.

A whole week! Think about your own week….How many conversations do you have without even thinking about it? The person you chat to at work, the friend you message, the neighbour you bump into, someone you call just to see how they’re doing.

Now imagine those conversations simply weren’t there. Age UK’s 2019 research also found that more than six million older people felt that just a few minutes of conversation could make a difference to their week. This really puts things into perspective for me…Loneliness isn’t always obvious, someone might live independently, appear perfectly ok, but still go for long periods without meaningful companionship.

And during the winter months, particularly around Christmas, that isolation can feel even greater. Believe me, I’ve been there! That’s why I’ve decided to bring Be Dating Beautiful together with Age UK Hertfordshire to raise money for its friendship services.

Their befriending service, Tea and Chat sessions and lunch clubs provide opportunities for older people to meet others, build friendships and feel part of their community.

It’s the sort of work that might seem simple on the surface, but the impact of having someone to talk to can be enormous. I hope that the money we raise will help them reach and support even more older people across Hertfordshire.

One evening. 52 singles. A bigger purpose.

On Wednesday 2nd December, we’re bringing 52 singles together at The Orange Tree in Hitchin for our Suspects & Sparks, Singles Night. It’s going to be a fun, mystery mingle, with secret roles, clues, a little detective work and plenty of opportunities to meet new people.

But this time there’s an even bigger reason for getting everyone together. All ticket money, minus card fees, will be donated to Age UK Hertfordshire. We’ll also be holding a raffle and silent auction, with every penny raised going to the charity.

Our fundraising target is £1,000.

Whether you’re attending, making a donation or supporting us by contributing a prize, every bit of help will make a difference. If you’re a local business that would like to donate a raffle or auction prize, I’d absolutely love to hear from you. You can email me at eleni@bedatingbeautiful.com.

But there’s something else I’d really like to achieve.

Hello Hertfordshire: 365 days of connection

I don’t want this to be just one evening, one fundraiser or one conversation about loneliness. I want us to take the idea of connection beyond the event and into everyday life. So we’re launching Hello Hertfordshire: 365 Pledges.

The idea is simple. We’re asking people across Hertfordshire to make one small pledge to help someone feel more connected during the year ahead. It could be:

Getting to know a neighbour a little better.
Picking up the phone to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while.
Inviting someone round for a cuppa.
Taking a few minutes to ask someone how they’re doing, and really listening.
Checking in on an older relative or friend.
Making time for someone who might otherwise spend the day alone.

Or perhaps something completely different that you think could brighten someone’s day. We’re aiming to gather 365 pledges, with the ambition of covering every day of the year with a small act of connection. And you don’t need to be attending our December event to take part.

You don’t need to donate money, commit to volunteering every week or make any grand promises. Just choose one small thing you’re going to do. You can make your pledge here. It takes around a minute, and we’ll keep a running total to see how many pledges our community can make.

I’d love to see this grow beyond the people who already attend BDB events. Friends, families, local businesses, neighbours and community groups, everyone is welcome.

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that connection really does make a difference.

We can all make a difference

I know what it feels like to have those quieter days, but I also know what can happen when you start putting yourself out there.

I’ve gone from navigating loneliness myself to building a community where hundreds of people have found new friendships, confidence and a reason to get out of the house.

And now I’d love to help make that possible for more people, including those who might not have the confidence, opportunity or support to find those connections themselves. You don’t have to change someone’s whole life to make a difference, sometimes it’s a phone call. A cup of tea. A visit. An invitation. A few minutes of your time.

Sometimes just knowing that someone has thought about you can change your whole day.

So, whether you join us at The Orange Tree, make a donation, contribute a raffle prize, share our appeal or simply make a 365 Pledge, I THANK YOU! I’ve seen what connection can do for people in my own community. Now I’d love us to help make that possible for more older people across Hertfordshire.

Eleni x